A few seats down a man in a leather jacket looked up from his whiskey long enough to run his gaze over me. What did he see in my eyes? A woman with dyed-red hair walked past in a short red dress and high boots. She looked like a whore who'd gotten lost, smelt like one too as if she thought a dozen cheap perfumes mixed together would cover up her stink. She smiled at the man in leather, gestured for a drink. He ordered her one, then grabbed her wrist. Pulled her close to him. They forced whispers. None of my business so I counted the lights. There were five above the bar, although two were broken. From the corner of my eye, I saw her up in his face. I thought she was going to slap him, then she moved on.
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I'd known my dad was dying for a long time, thought I'd prepared for the day when it would come, that I was as ready as he was. Then it did. And it broke me. I sat in some murky bar, the smell of burnt wood and vomit burning my throat, still in my black suit, no flower. Still crying when a barkeeper in a torn flannel shirt handed me my fourth pint. The lights in the bar were dim enough to hide the stains on the counter, and the other customers – lonely enough not to want to talk, too lonely to drink at home.

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